God is so good.

I saw her eyes slowly gravitating to my bear arms during the conversation. She would always come back to eventually meet my gaze, but...oh, there they go again. Her eyes, my scars. I stopped her and said,
"Okay, this is a little awkward, but I need to say it. I know that you, and well, not only you, but a lot of girls tend to stare at my scars. It's okay--I just want to let you know that if you have questions or anything about them, I'm not worried about it. I'm over it. I had a friend once ask me if I was ambidextrous because the lines are very straight on both arms."
She giggled a little and then said, "You know, you have actually been a very big encouragement to me."
I wanted to cry.
She pulled up her sleeve to expose three small scars. "I mean, I know it's nothing in comparison. But I'm always really ashamed of these. And you, you just wear them out there. You don't care."

Yeah. I used to cut. A lot. There was a time I did it every day. Satan's got me on that one. That's where he likes to go--oh look, Lauren. you're a failure.
But no.
It's amazing how God uses these things that I despise. He uses the weak to lead the strong. And He uses my nasty, nasty scars to show His power--to encourage.
oh, praise God.
praise, praise God.
because I'm still alive. I still wake up in the morning, I still breathe as regularly as you do. But if I had had my way, I probably wouldn't.
but God has something better for me.
Praise.
God.