i think

i'm going to stop using this and start using tumblr.

And if you told me we were dreaming I would pinch you to prove we're awake.

Another day
Shows it's face.
I'm half awake--
Half in space.
And if you told me I was beautiful,
Well that would just be in poor taste.

Another hour
Flying by.
I've yet to shower,
Yet to dry.
And if you told me I was wonderful,
I probably would wonder why.

just kidding.

i did see the lunar eclipse.
with someone very important to me.

i have decided something.

i'm not going to see the lunar eclipse tonight.
do i want to?
heck yes.
but...well, i'm being girly and sentimental.
but seeing anomalies in the sky--
experiencing anything in the sky, really,
is such a marvelous thing to me.
and i don't want the special things to happen to me alone.
i don't want to see them until i can see them with someone.
and i'm not going to gaze upon them with someone unless that person means a heck of a lot to me.
this person deserves this.

i can't help

that you are my favorite person in the entire world.

I have been home for approximately 38 hours.

I have been awake for approximately 32 of them.
I wish that was a lie.
And now I'm trying desperately to at least nap, and I can't even do that.
I'm having really weird pains in my head.
I'm nauseous, but not really.
I've heard that being awake for 72 hours straight will force a person to go insane.
I'm already halfway insane,
And a third of the way into the lack of sleep.
So I'm probably already three-halves insane.
And my math has never been very good.
I really wish I could sleep.
I wish I could make sense of things, too.
The best part is that I'm not even sad.
My hair is falling out, I swear.
Thank you so much for telling me about your dad.
That meant the world to me.
I wish I could sleep.

missing: one face, two arms, and two legs.

Plato believed that man was originally created with four arms, four legs, and two faces. Zeus felt threatened by our advanced state and split everyone in half. Everyone then wandered around for the rest of their lives, searching for a part of themselves that felt lost. Searching for a way to be complete.
This is where the idea of "soul mates" came from.

Everyone knows that we all need something. We have an innate need for love, for approval and acceptance. We thrive off the attention of others and crave to be noticed. I am the greatest example of this need--on this Earth I am a slave of the approval of others. Any dissent causes me great stress and anxiety.
But is this because I'm missing my second face and lost limbs?
No.
God made us to be complete in Him. Allegorically, He IS our missing face, arms and legs. Adam and Eve rested perfectly in the Garden because they had no doubt about who they were--or whose they were. They belonged to the divine Being who gave them breath. We do too, but because of a snake, a piece of fruit, and blind eyes, the identity found instinctively in Christ was ripped away. We could no longer rest automatically in the completion of our Savior because we took advantage of free will.
But that does not mean that we cannot find completion.
I know, from personal experience, that there is not a person on this Earth who can fulfill my every need with no disappointments. So why am I a slave to the approval of these imperfect beings?
I don't know.
But I know that my God is always waiting for me to find myself in Him. The closer I am to Him, the more secure I am in this world. I have found my missing face and limbs.