Day 17--Someone from your childhood.

Iiiiiiii remember. We were BEST friends. Ohmy, you were the absolute greatest. I think you showed me boys didn't have cooties. c: When I left, I think I was saddest to leave you. I mean, you gave me twenty dollars on my birthday for pete's sake. OF COURSE I would miss you. hahaha. We were so young. I remember seeing you years later and not recognizing you at all. You had long hair. A girlfriend. I don't think you remembered me. Which made me really sad. But at that time, I didn't want you to. I didn't want anyone to remember me. Well it's different now. And we're going to college together. I mean, I creeped you on facebook c: It's kind of been a girlish dream of mine that we would become best friends again. How cool would that be?! But I doubt you remember me :c
[picturesoon]

Day 16--Someone that's not in your country.

I'm sorry I did a horrible job of keeping in touch when you were away. You didn't try either, though. You kept saying you had a package for me, a gift, a letter. Did all those letters go to someone else? You made me promises you never followed through on. But honestly, I don't really mind. I didn't really know what would happen when you moved. I didn't think we were going to get so close before you left. Don't get me wrong--I'm glad we did. I loved all the music we played together. But it never seemed like our relationship was very strong. I am excited for you to come back, though.
[picturesoon]

Day 15--The person you miss the most.

I never tell people how much I miss you every minute you're not here. I'm always afraid they'll say I'm obssessed, or too serious. But I don't mind. I miss you so much. You're the one person I always lean on, depend on, rely on, love. I adore you more than just about anything. I've seen you everyday this week and it's been amazing. And now that you're not here? I miss you.
[picturesoon]

Day 14--Someone you've drifted away from.

There are a ton of people this could go to. So i'm just going to write this to all of them.
I don't miss you.

Day 13--Someone you wish could forgive you.

i wish you could forgive me. I mean, I know you don't know how to. but i wish.

robin hood.

Day 12--The person that caused you a lot of pain.

Ma'am, you will always have a place in my heart. Whether that's good or bad, who knows. I'm not entirely sure what happened with us. I know we used to be really good friends. I used to love you a lot. And then, that happened. I hate how that happened. And no matter what you think, you did it because of what i told you. That's how I started--someone told me. So I did it. But I think that's what broke us. And then years later--well I don't know why you did that. I tried to ask, to find out but you don't care. That's what kills me the most. You don't care. And you pulled other people with you. Why couldn't you keep us between us. After that everything about you scared me and everything surrounding you scared me. I wouldn't accept people on facebook because I didn't know if you would use them too. I'd see you daily and have a deep pain in my stomach. When people became associated with you, they stopped smiling at me. It just hurt so much.
But you don't scare me anymore. I don't care anymore. You have no reflection on my life. I still wish we could accomplish some sort of peace, but my brain is no longer at war with you.

Day 11--A deceased person you wish you could talk to.

You died on my birthday when I was ten. Which I think is funny because this is the eleventh day and I was born on eleven/eleven. But that's beside the point. I remember very little about you. I remember visiting you and Poppo Harry in your old rickety house in Richwood. Those stairs were terrifying--I always thought I'd fall and break my neck. I would watch you walk around with your fly-swatter, swearing you'd get that darned fly. I don't think you ever did. And while you were chasing the fly, Poppo Harry was telling the story again about how he lost his pinky--his sister shoulda never been playing with that axe. We were all characters. We all had different stories in that house. Years later we drove by again and it made me so sad to see the house is condemned. I'm sure there would be plenty of flies for you to swat now.
We weren't sure what Harry would do without you. And while I still remember very little, I hated watching you rot in the hospital. The cancer ravaged you from head to toe and your strength was gone. You couldn't swing the fly-swatter no more. The last time I saw you, I sang for you. The sun'll come out tomorrow. Remember that? I hope it was good. I tried not to cry. I know my voice was shaking. But I'm scared you didn't even know who I was.
I didn't get to come to your funeral, so it never felt like you left. Maybe you just went on another vacation--you and Harry liked those. But I wish I could have talked to you so I remembered. I wish you could see me, tell me how grow'd up I am. I wish I could walk down those rickety stairs into a house that always seemed to have Cheerios. I miss you Granny Bess. I hope I'll see you again.

Day 10--Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to.

You are hilarious. You're seriously the most entertaining, interesting person I have ever met. And while I love being around you, it's so intimidating. Like I just don't measure up to your awesomeness. But i love you. I just think that's why I don't talk to you as much as I wish I did.

Day 9--Someone you wish you could meet.

Everybody asks me where I got my curly hair from. My mom has this very very thin, straight hair. My dad has thick wavy hair, but no one has the curls. Neither of my grandmothers nor grandfathers have it. So where the heck did it come from? It came from you. None of us met you. You died when my grandmother was very young. I wish I could have met you. You gave me the hair that has been such a debacle in my life. haha how I wish I could have been without this nest. But at the same time you gave me something to set me apart. And you must've been pretty darn cool, cuz granny Bess married you. c: I just wish I even knew what you looked like. But I know we have the hair in common.

Day 8--Your Favorite Internet Friend.

I don't remember how or why we became "friends". There was facebook and tumblr. I knew I had seen you around Mclean, but beyond that all I knew was that you are an awesome photographer. One time you reblogged a picture of mine on tumblr and I felt soooo legit. Like I got super excited. Because you had talent, and you liked one of MY pictures?! Haha coincidentally that has been one of my favorite pictures c: I was so excited for you when you got a d90. It made me sad reading about your elbow. You're one of the few people I stalk minimally online c: Haha I cannot tell you how glad I was that I participated in a conversation that included you on Sunday. Yeah. I'm weird. But you are my favorite internet friend c:

Day 7--Your ex-crush.

I thought you were going to be the first one. I really did. I barely knew you, but you were so special to me. It was so shy in the beginning. Haha we had no communication whatsoever. We met in the middle of a movie. That's just a bad start. And the only reason I fell so hard was because of a mutual acquaintance we had that persisted and bugged me about it 24/7. But i can't blame him for my stupidity. I should have known. What happened has happened to me ever since i met her. And I was so unstable at that point. I guess you should be glad you didn't have to deal with me. I'm just so sorry everything has turned out like it has. I know I can't make everyone happy, and I'm not really worried that I can't make you happy. But I don't like not being at peace with anyone. It doesn't matter who they are. Just know that I still think you're a talented, awesome kid. Just a little confused and misled. c:

 

Day 6--A stranger.

We weren't always strangers. I promise we weren't. It seems like we are now, though. I don't know you at all and it makes me so sad. I see you everyday, and it doesn't scare me anymore. It just makes me wonder what went wrong. You look happy though. Happier than you were. And I'm glad. I didn't mean to influence you in the way that I did. You're accepted now. Loved in ways I won't be. You have talents I'll never have. I pray for you. I really do. You're a stranger now. I wish you weren't.

Day 5--Your dreams.

Dear future;
You terrify me.
BUT
I had a dream last night--speaking of dreams. I was looking at this book. It was an old, leather-bound book. It was a book of my life. Like, it just had everything that has happened to me. I reached the middle of the book. It was where I was at that precise moment. I don't remember what was on the page, but I had caught up to that very minute. I tried to turn the page, but I couldn't. I pulled at it and tried so hard, but no matter what I did I couldn't turn the page. I couldn't see what happens next.
I don't have a lot of you, dreams. I mean, there's a lot of stuff I want to do, but I don't turn them into dreams. I try really hard not to. I've made it a habit. But you know what I want to do. I vote you make it happen.

Day 4--Your Sibling.

Chelsea::
hoo boy. you have been one of my best, best friends. you have also been one of my biggest enemies. haha. it's funny how that works out. but as you get older and grow up and all that nonsense i've learned to give you space and to know when you are accessible. I miss you when you're gone at college. But guess what! We'll be together next year. hahaha that's so weird. But it's okay. I won't tell anyone we're related.
Jordan::
Ohhhh, Jordan. I'm really glad to see you assimilated into society. I never thought you would be.
Matthew::
YOU, child, are the cutest little thing ever. Even though at the same time you're the most obnoxious thing ever.

Day 3--Your Parents.

Mamma Jamma and my dearest Father;
I know I haven't been the easiest child to raise. I can tell you that it has been a bit of a hobby of mine to see how far I can stretch the rules. I also know that sometimes I up and down, rightout, straightup break them. My excuse? I'm a teenager, and as my math teacher likes to say, a free spirit. But I would really like to thank you. Because you've dealt with me during things that most parents would never ever want to experience. You have tried to the very best of your abilities to raise me in a loving home with a caring family. Nobody's perfect c:
Mum, you have been the stability. You are the business-woman, the logic, the strategist, the planner, but most of all my mom.
Pappa, you have been the individualist. The messy. The freedom to be and strive however you so desire. You taught me everything i knew for the first ten years of my life, and if you hadn't, i wouldn't dress  like a hobo every day and probably wouldn't have guages.
I'm glad we don't fight and scream at each other. I'm glad our family doesn't fit the normal stereotype of dysfunctionality. I'm glad we're all a little crazy in our own crazy way.

Day 2 — Your Crush

"I want a boy who will move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. A boy who will sing to me at random moments. Who lets me sleep on his chest. I want a guy who will tell his family and friends all about me. Bring me soup or orange juice when I'm sick. I want a boy who is more goofy than romantic, but knows the right things to say at the right times. I want a boy who will call me 3 times a day if he went away. A boy who will apologize for calling too much, and no matter how many times I tell him its okay, he'd still do it. A boy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say. A boy who will throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. Who will bet kisses on who could beat who on at game. Who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. A boy who will surprise me with 25 cent ring and we could have contest of how far we can spit our gum. Who will take me to the park, put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time. A boy who will kiss my neck, just to have a reason to tell me how much he loves my new perfume. I want a boy who, at night, who will dance in his pajamas with me. A boy who will take pictures in photo booths with me, someone who will never turn down a trip to the lake and who will play tag on the beach with me. A boy who could sit with me on the kitchen floor and eat sandwiches. Who will kiss me in the pouring rain. I want a boy who would try to teach me how to play the guitar, even if we just end up laughing at each other. I want a boy who will run his fingers through my hair, share his lollipops with me, and get along with all of my friends. Someone who would never be afraid to say I love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. I want a boy who will take me to Target to just make fun of some of the stuff there. Someone who will kiss me at midnight on New Years and who will make funny faces at me when I'm on the phone. I want a boy who will count stars with me and be friends with my family. I want a boy who will stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will squirt water guns at me in the house after I've got him soaked. I want a boy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. A boy who could make me laugh like no one else can. I want a boy who will hold me closer than normal when I'm sick, and would play with my hair. But mostly I want a boy who is my best friend and will always be there for me."
I read that when it popped up on my dashboard on Tumblr and thought, I've got him.
You are my love, my best friend, my boy.
Thank you.

I have a new lense.

Lacey Dean is amazing. I don't understand why she got me that lense. But i love it.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

It's been hard being friends with you. When you go through these phases of actually caring what people think about you, I lose my best friend. haha. It sucks. You have a ton of things to figure out still, but you're getting there babe.
Anyway.
Despite all that, you have still been one of my two amazing friends that I still have here in Northern Virginia. You honest-to-goodness have been that girl I prayed for for thirteen years of my life. I can tell you who I think is cute, or when Aunt Flo is visiting, or I can spend a week with you without wanting to kill you. I love playing music with you, and watching the Discovery Channel, and talking about Lost, and being an idiot with you. I love watching your growth in Christ and how you learn things about Him and how you get excited about Him. I love it.
I know the family thing has been rough. But you know--you KNOW you have a family with mine. Always. No matter what, babe. Whenever you need something, we're here.

thirty days.

You can either send it to them (anonymously or with your name) or keep them to yourself. On this day you write a letter to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

out of everybody,

i'm glad i got to survive prom with him.

you are beautiful.

happy birthday.

happy birthday mom. here are four/fifths of your beautiful(?) children.